Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Am I worthily

I admit that I have low self-esteem and my overall self-appraisal of myself is shit, I allow my emotions to overwhelm me, and even know I realize it, I continue to bash myself. I am incompetent and my emotions of despair, shame, timorousness and my self-confidence have over-ruled me. I question myself "am I a good person? Why am I not proud of myself. I have no self-respect, self-confidence or self-love. I inflict myself with harm and its deliberate injury by inflicting pain upon myself, maybe I have a mental illness. I find myself scratching, self-biting, pulling my own hair out, stabbing myself with wires, pins or needles.
You probably want to know if I feel better after I have done these things to my self? Yes, I do, and you think thats scary? it scares me sometimes to, but my emotions comes and goes and its like its not even me that does these things, but I think of them all the time, on how I can cause pain upon myself...;(


friendinME said...

I don't know what to post here but I am saddened that no one has posted a comment yet. Maybe people just don't know what to say (including me) but I don't think that posts like this one should be met with silence... if even from a passer-by.

I stopped by your site tonight because I see you visited my blog earlier today.... but I stayed here and read your posts with interest. I want you to know that I feel sadness for the situation you are in. I know you aren't looking for pity... but compassion is nice sometimes.

I have known and loved people who are depressed and people who cut themselves. I still can't say that I understand it all, but I do want you to know that life is worth living. I hope you can find some worthwhile help in dealing with the physical and emotional pain you are in.

I don't know you and I know my words here aren't going to give you some sort of epiphany moment... but I know you are worthy because God just doesn't make junk.

I will pray for you. (really, I will).

And, I will be back. :)

(If you would like to contact me, you can get my email through my site.)

Bennett Kankuzi said...

I really encourage you to face life as it is and know that life is worth a living. Have faith in God and try to interact with a lot of friends who can give you emotional support. Remember usually loneliness leads to depression and therefore at all costs try to avoid being lonely most of the times.

Am no expert counselor but those are some of the principals I apply in my life.

chilly said...

Hi There! Myself, I don't know what to say to you except I do know just how you feel. I don't know an answer myself and I've just settled and just take it day to day and know one day will be the last. I to came by because you added me and I needed to return the favor. But I found something that drew me to stay and read. What I have read seems to tell me your a fine person and I'd like to come back and read more. I find your words interesting very much. Also hope this isn't out of line but I have to say you have a super great looking smile! (ok, now I'm all red in the face.) Maybe it could help if you try what I do. Every morning I tell myself I'm something great and this will be a super great day. Even if I don't believe it, maybe if I say it enough, I'll really start to believing one day. Take care and hope you have a great morning/evening/night, whichever it is when you read this. And I'd enjoy coming back to read. :)