Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Am I worthily

I admit that I have low self-esteem and my overall self-appraisal of myself is shit, I allow my emotions to overwhelm me, and even know I realize it, I continue to bash myself. I am incompetent and my emotions of despair, shame, timorousness and my self-confidence have over-ruled me. I question myself "am I a good person? Why am I not proud of myself. I have no self-respect, self-confidence or self-love. I inflict myself with harm and its deliberate injury by inflicting pain upon myself, maybe I have a mental illness. I find myself scratching, self-biting, pulling my own hair out, stabbing myself with wires, pins or needles.
You probably want to know if I feel better after I have done these things to my self? Yes, I do, and you think thats scary? it scares me sometimes to, but my emotions comes and goes and its like its not even me that does these things, but I think of them all the time, on how I can cause pain upon myself...;(

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Depression is an Imblance in my Brain

What is depression?
Major depression is a serious medical condition. Everyone experiences "ups" and "downs" in their life. But for some people the "downs" can outweigh the "ups." This can cause problems with everyday activities such as eating, sleeping, working, and getting along with friends. If this happens for more than a few weeks, depression may be the reason.

Major depression affects a person's physical health, as well as how he or she feels, thinks, and acts toward others. It brings about a mixture of feelings and thoughts that can cause someone to depart from his or her usual behavior.

Major depression is very common — it affects an estimated 19 million American adults every year. Nearly twice as many women (6.5%) as men (3.3%) suffer from depression each year. The good news is that it is possible to manage the symptoms of depression.

What causes depression?
Although the exact causes of depression are unknown, it may be due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. Serotonin and norepinephrine are 2 chemicals used by some nerve cells to communicate. These chemicals, called neurotransmitters, are thought to be linked to depression. Therefore, medications that affect these neurotransmitters may play a role in treating depression.

A person may experience symptoms of depression suddenly, for no apparent reason, or after a life-changing event or medical illness. Some types of depression run in families, suggesting that a biological vulnerability can be inherited.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Medical Marijuana

Medical Marijuana is easier to receive in the state of California. I know of a medical office right here in my town I live that issues legal Marijuana cards, and I am going to look into it today. My daughter said she would loan me money to get auto Insurance on my car so I can get all the things done I need to get done today.

I am having quite a bit of pain in my left side of my neck, some burning and spasms and my meds aren't working, if you read my other blog you can keep up with whats been happening in my life. I am pretty much homeless, my computer and phone line was transferred to my daughters house so I wouldn't lose their service and I've been staying either at my boyfriends house or my daughters place.

I overdosed yesterday morning as I posted details in my other blog, I didn't intentionally do it and yet my family thinks I did. I have attempted suicide by cutting my wrists which I think now to myself how dumb that was. If I really wanted to do it I would be dead by now. Stay tuned to my "My Life Diary, I'll try and keep updated.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Lord I Pray...

I don’t know how to feel, or what to do next. I’m homeless, and with no money, I have a child that's 17, just one more year and I feel I have failed before she makes it on her own. I’ve been selfish, thinking only of myself,. I worry on where we are going to stay each tonight, and if any of the people that we stay at cares. They just are just getting tired of us and this is all getting old.

Things aren't happening as fast as I want them to, I’m use to making 2,400 a month and now its completely dropped to 550. a month because I was injured. Workers Comp and Disability has run out, I’ve gone to Welfare, taking pills for chronic pain and losing weight, loss of time...where do I go from here Lord, I pray, I cry and scream, wondering where my life is heading. I’ve failed my kids, attempted suicide, tried overdosing, I want to sleep forever, but life continues, I have kids that look up to me. Its too hard lord for me, please lift all of this off my shoulders, take my emotional pain away and chronic pain, so I can think straight.

I thank you for all you have given me through my life. I am proud of my children in what they have become, each and everyone of them bring me happiness, I wish I can return the favor...Amen

Saturday, October 27, 2007

The Cutting Edge

What gives a human soul the thought to self destruct? the desire to feel pain inflicted onto them. Most of time I feel numb, I just want to feel something, whether it be love, anger, destruction or pain. And then I choose to stay numb, by using anything to not feel anything. I wonder how about I began to become the way that I am. Was it my childhood lifestyle, my past relationships? maybe Karma if anyone believes in that.
I've become my own worse emeney, cutting, straving, and self pity, I grovel, and scream and cry. No I don't think the world owes me anything, I just feel the way I do because my emotions take over. It isn't me, its someone else, its a "I dont feel, or want to feel anything, so just leave me be". I want to leave this life of mine, but I wouldn't do it by drowning, I have a fear of drowning, or maybe I should and face my fear. I want to sleep and never wake up, cut myself and watch me bleed. I am not one to faint of the site of blood, I am a retired Nurse. I ask myself what there is left in this life of mine, and I have not come up with any answers, so I just cut, take pills, and cry...

Friday, October 26, 2007

How Google was named

An interview with Thomas Hawk and Marc Levoy, Stanford University Professor, who is jointly appointed in computer science and electrical engineering. But that's the geeky way of explaining this dude is doing some radical stuff with cameras. He shows us a camera that can refocus the image AFTER you shoot it! Talks about other research to stitch images together, digitize statues, among many others.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Sponser needed for my Blogs

The best way of making money on a blog is through sponsership, your blog doesn't get a ton of traffic. Your blog doesn't display great contextual ads. Or maybe you don't want to use contextual ads because you feel it devalues the overall of your blog.

I seem to realize that sponsers help bring cash flow with not much effort.

Now what?
Lots of people make money with contextual advertising, particulary with Google AdSense. But there's way more people who don't earn much of anything from Google AdSense or other advertising options like "Text Link Ads" and "Performacing".

Mastering contextual advertising isn't rocket science, but it is difinitely takes some effort. And there's an insane amount of resources out there (some good, some bad) on how to maximize the success of Google AdSense and other programs.

Affiliate marketing works well for quite a few people, but there's also a curve. It takes time to figure out, and there are a ton of options with companies like "Commission Junction, PayDotCom and Click bank".

The best way of making money with a blog is through sponsership (Oh Yeah, I mentioned that already).

1.You can hand-pick sponsers and build real relationships. With afflilate marketing you do get to pick what ads you show, but it's not the same as targeting specific sponsers you absolutely want to work with and actually person-to-person relationships can be of great value in developing your blog, finding other partners and growing your network.

2. You can display sponsership on your blog in a number of ways. A sponsership can be almost anything - a link in your posts, co-branding on the site, an advertisement, special content, a contest, etc... There's a ton of different ways you can execute a sponsership, and that makes them very interesting. You can figure out what your audience really wants to see, and work with sponsers to develop content, advertising and ideas that make sense.

3. You can negotiate payment options. Sponsorships can be paid for in a bunch of different ways: page views, clickthroughs, monthly, etc. The control and flexibility stay in your hands. For example, if you’re running an online contest, you might get paid for the implementation and during the life of the contest. I prefer monthly payments since they’re the easiest for everyone to understand.

4. You don’t have a huge learning curve to deal with. There’s a minimal learning curve with sponsorships. Find a sponsor, decide on the type of sponsorship and negotiate the price. You won’t see a million websites selling you $19.99 info products on, “how to maximize sponsorship opportunities with your blog.” That’s because sponsorships are so flexible and open, and dependent on real relationships, you can’t develop a “best practices system for everyone.”
5. You don’t need an uber-popular blog to get sponsors. There’s a lot of opportunity out there for smaller blogs to find sponsors. You might not get VISA or some Fortune 100 company involved, but lots of smaller companies could benefit from blog sponsorships. I’ve got a sponsor who I’ve very much enjoyed working with, and although I’d love Instigator Blog to be in the Technorati 100, I don’t think that’s going to happen! Still, with the right audience and reasonable traffic numbers, you can find a great sponsor.

getting sponsers will take time. It's not very easy as throwing up some contextual ads or afflilate marketing links. But just because you can put ads on your site in 5 minutes doesn't mean they'll make you any money.

The Human element of sponsership is the key. But Build relationships with people (which you already do as an extension of blogging) and sponsership will return more than just monetary rewards over time.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


If you are always willing to make one more attempt, you can
reach whatever goal you choose. No matter what results you
get, the only real failure is when you stop making the

When you are mistaken, you can learn. when you are knocked
down, you can get back up.

When you find that you've veered off track, you can correct
your direction. When you discover that circumstances have
changed, you can make adjustments accordingly.

Eventually, you'll reach the point at which the next attempt
you make is the one that will complete the desired
accomplishment. What a shame it would be to stop just one
effort short of success.

For that next effort will make all the others pay off.
Commit yourself to making one more effort, one more attempt,
as often as necessary, and anything is within your reach.

Keep making that one more attempt, keep getting back up, and
Keep moving forward in the direction of your goal, one step
after another. And you will surely get there.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Pain Control

Who's Hurting?
According to the Joint Commission on the Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations (JCAHO), nearly a third of American will experience chronic pain at some point in their lives. And approximately 50 million American live with chronic pain today; it is the number one cause of adult disability in the United States. ALPS reveals that people are experiencing pain at a younger age than what may be commonly perceived or assumed; proportionally just as many younger people surveyed experience back pain as do middle aged and older adults.

Pain in the Workplace
Pain costs the United States an estimated $100 billion in lost productivity every year, according to a JCAHO report. The survey demonstrates that chronic pain is a major cause of absenteeism. ALPS shows that 41 percent of those employed and living with chronic pain report their pain adversely affects their ability to put in a full day's work; three in 10 (27 percent) say it impacts their ability to get to work in the first place. One in six employed people living with chronic pain say it has adversely affected their career advancement opportunities.

How is Pain Being Treated?
Once people address their condition, ALPS reveals that treatment of chronic pain varies, with nearly half of people taking prescription medication and about half not taking prescription medications. For those taking only prescription medication, 81 percent report being very satisfied with how their doctor is helping them manage their pain, as opposed to 64 percent of those who are taking only over-the- counter medication. 86 percent of those taking only prescription medication also use alternative treatments, including physical therapy (58 percent), massage (39 percent) and meditation (23 percent).

Many Fear Losing Access to Pain Medicine
With increasing attention being paid to cost and legislative issues, people with pain express concerns about access. Three in ten have been unable to get a prescription filled because of cost or lack of insurance. Almost three in 10 believe that it will become more difficult to get the medications they need in the future.

Satisfaction and Concerns about Medication Vary
Attitudes toward medications show as much variation as the types of people experiencing pain. Significant numbers of people with pain report concerns about taking pain medications including fear of side effects (56 percent) and worries that they will need medication for the rest of their lives (49 percent) while showing surprisingly little awareness (26 percent) of prescription topical pain patches as an alternative. Concern about potential side effects among those taking only prescription medication is generally higher among 35 to 50 year-olds, with 58 percent worried that it might be addictive. Compared to those taking prescription pain medicines, users of both prescription and over the counter medications were more likely to experience side effects (drowsiness: 52 percent, nausea: 41 percent).

The Partners Mission is to:

create greater understanding among Healthcare professionals, individuals and families who are Struggling with pain management, the business community, legislators, and the general public that pain is a serious public health issue;
Offer a comprehensive network of resources and knowledge about issues in pain management through the members, each of which brings its unique perspective to the dialogue; and
Build understanding and support that can help people with chronic, acute and cancer pain lead better lives.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Give your very best

When you set out to cause harm to others, you will harm
yourself even more. If your intend is to deceive, you will
find that you have succeeded in cheating yourself.

Make your purpose to give, and you will end up receiving
something of real and lasting value. When your goal is to
teach, there is much that you will learn.

When you sincerely appreciate others for who they are, you
will be genuinely admired for who you are. Act with respect
in each encounter, and you will be well respected.

The motives that you direct toward others will, without fail
and without exception, affect you as well. You cannot escape
the consequences of your own intentions, so make those
intentions positive.

intend the very best for all of the world around you, and
you will benefit greatly as well. Seek to give nourishment
and support to life, and you will grow stronger with each
passing moment.

What you give to and wish upon your world determines what
comes into your life. Give your very best at all times, and
that is exactly what you'll get.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

1903 St Louis Runabout Built by George Dorris For Sale

My Dad is selling his Fathers 1903 St Louis, it has been in the family for over a hundred yrs. I have search through the internet to find information on this runabout built by George Dorris and only one page came up. If you are interested in this 1903 St Louis, please email me and remember that this car has NOT been restored, it is in its orginal condition and due to aging the paint has cracked. My email is ( I dont have any idea on a price to list this car of my Dads, if you can give me some ideas then email me. Thanks again !!!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Tremble with your presence

I want to breathe you in

Crawl inside your head

Walk around for hours

Exploring thoughts unsaid

I want to taste your fear

And swim inside your eyes

Wrap up in your soul

And feel your anger rise

I want to lick your pain

Bathe in all your tears

Suffocate with memories

You've gathered through the years

I want to kiss your depth

And wallow in your sin

Feeling every single thing

You've ever felt within

I want to touch your anger

Linger in your pride

Soaking up the hatred

You buried deep inside

I want to smell your secrets

Inhaling all the lies

Relish in contentment

That floats upon your sighs

I want to hear your love

Trail fingers down your dreams

Soak my feet in happiness

Of endless laughter streams

I want to see your turmoil

Get lost inside the lust

Piled up in corners

Collecting passions dust

I want to grasp your innocence

Submerge inside your guilt

Tremble with perceptions

That I have never felt

I want to caress your consciousness

And lay beside your cries

Tremble with your presence

Engulfed within your eyes

Mee*mOe*: Menopause#links


Most of today's women will live 25 to 30 years — one-third of their lives — after menopause. An understanding of the body's changes during this phase of life can ease the transition, and equally important, better prepare you to safeguard your health during your later years. There are many different considerations a woman needs to take as she approaches menopause. Specific treatment for menopausal symptoms will be determined by your doctor based on:

Your age, overall health, and medical history
Current symptoms
Your tolerance for specific medications, procedures, or therapies
Your opinion or preference

Today, women entering menopause are healthier, feel younger than their years, and lead more active lives and careers than previous generations. Despite the problems menopause may bring, the years afterward are the most productive and satisfying for many women
The Basics

Menopause is only one of several stages in the reproductive life of a woman. The whole menopause transition is divided into distinct stages known as: premature menopause, premenopause, perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause

Thrifty Store Adventure

My daughters and I took a trip to the thrift store to look for costumes, what do you think of our outfits? please leave a comment and tell us what you think...;)

Don't you love to just go into a thrift shop and try on clothing like this?

The Glasses make the picture perfect, what do you think?

should we go to the bank looking like this?

The thrift shop we went to, you could barely move around. It was so packed with clothing, shoes, glasses, coats, and jewlery. We had a blast and the woman that owns the store allowed us to try on just about anything we wanted. It was a moment to always remember. What are you dressing up as is on Halloween? can you guess which one is mee?

Monday, October 1, 2007

Left in misery

I'm sitting in my hopeless corner,
Wishing that life would go away.
As a cold shiver surrounds my body,
As it does everyday.

I pull my legs to my chest,
And try to keep myself warm.
But this beauty is still brewing,
There's going to be a storm.

I clench my skin until it bleeds,
Will I survive this vicious attack?
As the darkness sweeps over me,
It's too late, I can't go back.

It engages in a precious fight,
The one with my heart.
As memories are re-enacted,
It helplessly falls apart.

It duels with my soul now,
Enforcing all the guilt and regret.
As I fall with such emptiness,
Those things I tried to forget.

It's battling with my body now,
And this looks and feels wrong.
Self-loathing my scarred body,
As this utter pain goes on.

It escapes my weak and fragile person,
Enough damage done for the night.
Although it is still always there,
It is never out of sight.

Tormenting, Hating and Loving it,
This screwed up demon in me.
Will never let me forget,
Left to live in misery.

StumbleUpon My StumbleUpon Page

Information and help with my blogs

It amazes to me how complicated placing ads into my blog is for advertising. I know it can be more simpler, I have not quite got the Knack for it just yet, but I am learning each day. Today I have been searching for sponsors on my blogs. If your interested you can email me @, I’ve been on disability, and Workers Compensation.
I am learning through internet, subscribers and other resources. I feel like I am a slow learner, some of this doesn't make any sense to me. For one thing, what exactly is incoming and out going links, I know that incoming links are more important than out coming links. I wish I had a tutor to explain all of the questi0ons that are rattling within my mind, I find that I am fascinated in blog and web designing, sounds so interesting to me, please take the time to read my other blogs listed to the right, I need some feedback on exactly what the heck I am doing. Thank you !!!