My Life as I see it

my life as I see it

I cannot fight what I’ve made of it

its only a life of my own screwed up design

negative power fighting the power of positive

I cannot deny that I’ve messed it up myself

I only have to blame myself of it

its unfocused, and as confused as my mind

I’ve been lead into a mass of meds and controlling enemies

positive seems so small, compared to my disasters

I’ve denied reaching for help of others

I feel I can only depend on myself, always have

which seems to be falling apart

my strength has weakened

I sometimes feel my lungs collapsing

the breath of air around me contaminated

the breath coming out of me stinks of meds

my body being destroyed by my illness

fighting a battle that's never ending until my death

I seek no pity, I’ve developed this war on my own

I bow down on my knees to pray

crying every time like such a fool

seems we always ask for guide-ness when the end is near

its then that we are in fear